Should a cat choose to grace you with his presence, there are some things you simply must accept—and the sooner, the better. Breakfast, for instance, needs to be early and hearty. Warm, clean laundry won’t be clean long. As for your plants, well, they had a good run.
OK, so maybe cats aren’t great roommates. But we love being wrapped around their little paws—even if it means accepting these inconvenient truths:
1. Breakfast Should’ve Been Served 10 Minutes Ago
Your cat doesn’t know it’s Saturday morning and you’ve been working overtime all week. Or maybe he does. Either way, he’s not going to stop meowing until his cat bowl is full. Ignore him at your own risk—he doesn’t want to bite your toes, but he certainly will.
2. Laptops Are Cat Magnets
The allure of the laptop is two-fold: it’s warm, and you’re trying to use it. So obviously, your cat has no choice but to sit on it.
Don’t believe us? Try the Suck UK Cat Playhouse laptop scratch pad and watch your kitty tear it up online.
3. No Plants Are Safe
Cats notoriously snack on houseplants, which is why veterinarians advise having kitty-safe greenery and offering pots of cat grass to distract them. The Cat Ladies Organic Pet Grass Kit with planter comes with everything you need, including an adorable kitty planter mug. What they don’t tell you is that after Mr. Meows knocks the pesky cat grass over, he’ll resume dining on your ferns. Bon appetite, good sir.
4. Same Goes for the Christmas Tree
Oh, so your cat ignored the gigantic, glimmering houseplant covered in shiny toys? Really? We have bad news for you—that’s not a cat.
5. All Cats Are Secret Houdinis
It doesn’t matter how laidback your cat is in everyday life, as soon as the cat carrier comes out, all bets are off. From the moment you open the door, he’s plotting his James Bond-meets-Houdini escape. Whether he succeeds or not, one thing’s for certain: He’s definitely peeing in that carrier. (We’re thankful for plastic carriers, like the Frisco plastic kennel, too.)
6. The Zoomies Can Strike at Any Time
It’s 9 p.m. and your cat has been napping peacefully on the couch for hours. Suddenly, he’s doing zero-to-sixty laps around the house, taking down anything and everything in his path in a state of kitty mania … and then it’s right back to that nap. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the zoomies.
7. Cat Paws Have Been on the Table
It’s gross, and it’s true: the cat walks on the kitchen table. Counters, too. Sometimes, he even posts up and takes a nap. Anyone who claims their kitty has better manners is in denial—a common state for cat parents.
8. Warm Laundry = Warm Bed
No matter what kind of tricked-out cat bed you buy your cat, it can never compare to a basket of warm, clean laundry. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can buy a lint roller and move on with your life.
9. The Side-Eye Is Real
Teenage girls throw good side-eye. Real Housewives throw great side-eye. But cats invented side-eye. Combined with a little Resting Stink Face, it’s near lethal.
10. There’s No Snuggle like a Cat Snuggle
Sure, cats can be a little high-maintenance. And maybe they could work on their bedside manner. But at the end of the day, all cat parents can agree on one thing: these curious creatures are well worth the mischief. Who’s a good kitty? Ya’ll are.
Monica Weymouth is a writer, editor and certified Weird Animal Lady. She lives in Philadelphia with her two rescued Shih Tzus.